[Lily]

-I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on
the toilet.

-The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

-I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.

-I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

-I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the
house.

-I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

-I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

-I will not throw up in the car.

-I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

-I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

-"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

-I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the
backyard after processing.

-The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

-I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose in
her bottom.

-I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

-I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones,
or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

-When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.

-We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear
one on TV.

-I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the
backyard with it.

-The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

-My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

- I will not bite the police officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.