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The Off-Topic Lounge APPROPRIATE FAMILY-FRIENDLY TOPICS ONLY - READ THE RULES! This forum is for posting anything (excluding topics prohibited by the forum rules) that's unrelated to email. General discussions, in other words. |
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5 May 2006, 10:54 AM | #241 |
The "e" in e-mail
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I heard a variant of that the other day, and it was a factor of two and "beat me till I'm half-dead"
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4 Dec 2006, 09:37 PM | #242 |
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Heard this one over the weekend.
An atheist was complaining to a Priest and a Rabbi that they were lucky to have all kinds of holidays like Christmas and Hannuka whereas atheists didn't have any at all! The Priest politely picked up on this and suggested that they should perhaps consider to adopt April Fool's Day. Ha! |
5 Dec 2006, 01:17 AM | #243 |
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Tommy Cooper classics
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant. Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." "Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual." |
5 Dec 2006, 01:35 AM | #244 |
The "e" in e-mail
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Cartoon!
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5 Dec 2006, 05:56 AM | #245 | |
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Re: Cartoon!
Quote:
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5 Dec 2006, 06:01 AM | #246 |
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You don't have strawberrys and cream in the USA?
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5 Dec 2006, 06:02 AM | #247 | |
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Re: Re: Cartoon!
Quote:
Tom Jones was Welsh and a popular singer back in the '70s. Women went crazy over him. Wonder if they still do? If they would still behave in the same manner? We won't start talking about Blondes here now shall we? |
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5 Dec 2006, 06:04 AM | #248 | |
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Quote:
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5 Dec 2006, 06:06 AM | #249 | |
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Re: Re: Re: Cartoon!
Quote:
"It's not unusual" was the title of one of his hit songs. Jeff |
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5 Dec 2006, 05:46 PM | #250 |
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more Tommy Cooper:
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's." "Well you can't say fairer than that then" |
2 Mar 2007, 11:42 AM | #251 |
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three Brazilian soldiers
Donald Rumsfeld came into the Oval Office to brief President Bush on the Iraq war. I'm afraid I have some bad news, Rumsfeld says. Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today. Well, Bush was just overcome with grief. He put his head in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably and wailed, "three Brazilian soldiers, three Brazilian soldiers, oh my God, three Brazilian soldiers." He was so distraught that Rumsfeld could see that he would get no more work done and left the office. When he calmed down a little, Bush turned to Dick Cheney and said, "Dick, please, please help me out here. Tell me, how many is a brazillion?"
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16 Nov 2007, 08:59 PM | #252 |
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For children young and ol' - a number joke
Did they ever explain to you why 10 is afraid of 7 ?
Because 7, 8, 9 ! |
2 May 2008, 07:51 PM | #253 |
The "e" in e-mail
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"007, you've been our top spy for 40 years and your hair is beginning to turn grey."
"What are you telling me, M -- do you expect me to start wearing a wig?" "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye." |
2 May 2008, 10:52 PM | #254 |
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Very Sad News
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote 'The Hokey Kokey', died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in .. And then the trouble started. |
3 May 2008, 02:42 AM | #255 |
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To follow up on Malc's sad news:
The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was only 71. Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours, as long-time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Dough boy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought that he would rise again. Dough boy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes. |