Humour... - Page 5

**JeffK** · 5 Apr 2004, 02:01 PM

Sorry, of course it can't be an OT post.

Chipper · 5 Apr 2004, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lily
Now, talking about support, something funny I remember. We had all those customers nervous about Y2K.
I had a client who had received our standard notification about the Y2K compatibility. He got it and asked in writing about the software's compatibility with the year 10,000.
After we all had a good laugh at the office, I called him, and he told me he needed a written answer. So after my boss and me finished laughing, I had to send him an email telling him that in the year 9,999 a new modification would be sent to all our costumers.

This is also not a joke, but a true story.

I recall in 1998 working at a software development company and the receptionist asking what all the big deal was with Y2K. We went through the usual explanation, 2 digit year to save space, all years were assumed to be 19XX, so 00 is assumed to be 1900 instead of 2000, etc. So all computer programs have to be modified to handle this situation.

She said, "Why don't they just handle it the same way when they were going from 1899 to 1900?"

robert@fm · 27 May 2004, 05:07 AM

An optimist says that the glass is half full.

A pessimist says that the glass is half empty.

An engineer says that the glass is twice the size it needs to be (that one should appeal to Lily 

 ).

An object-orientated programmer says that the property Glass.Fill is at 50% of its maximal value.

**JeffK** · 12 Jun 2004, 08:53 PM

This tickled my fancy...

Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven."

"I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?"

"It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."

**JeffK** · 12 Jun 2004, 09:01 PM

Also I was amused by this story about Ronald Reagan in President Bush's eulogy.

'A boy once wrote to him requesting federal assistance to help clean up his bedroom. The president replied that, unfortunately, funds are dangerously low. He continued: "I'm sure your mother was fully justified in proclaiming your room a disaster ... therefore you are in an excellent position to launch another volunteer program in our nation. Congratulations." '

Killer · 12 Jun 2004, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JeffK
Also I was amused by this story about Ronald Reagan in President Bush's eulogy.

'A boy once wrote to him requesting federal assistance to help clean up his bedroom. The president replied that, unfortunately, funds are dangerously low. He continued: "I'm sure your mother was fully justified in proclaiming your room a disaster ... therefore you are in an excellent position to launch another volunteer program in our nation. Congratulations." '

Care to simplified that? I am too "dumb" to understand it.

anj · 13 Jun 2004, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JeffK
This tickled my fancy...

Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven."

"I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?"

"It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."

LOL!!!!

Sounds like the outsourcing needs better instruction on alternate spellings in English. Since when is ph a substitute for St? This would give us Phop signs and phale bread and phupidity.

Killer, in emergencies such as floods or earthquakes, the area can be declared a disaster zone. When the president declares an area a national disaster it is usually eligible for special disaster funds. Sometimes a disaster is declared, but it is not horrible enough to get government funds. In this case, charities are expected meet the burden.

**JeffK** · 14 Jun 2004, 12:22 PM

"We had a little excitement Saturday night when a drug smuggler's boat was sighted and chased into the bay by the Coast Guard. The smugglers dumped all their pot overboard in an attempt to avoid prosecution, and it washed up on a small island in the Gulf populated by sea gulls, terns and other sea birds.

In a couple of days all over the island there wasn't a tern unstoned."

**JeffK** · 14 Jun 2004, 07:53 PM

Dave went on a business trip for a few days.

When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him.

"She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said.

"What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?"

"Darling," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."

**JeffK** · 14 Jun 2004, 08:49 PM

"Doctors at a hospital in Brisbane have gone on strike.

Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"

**JeffK** · 14 Jun 2004, 08:53 PM

New words are being coined all the time, and this one was found pinned to a notice board (in a management area).

The word is administratium and it's the name for what is allegedly a newly discovered element - the heaviest element known to science.

Administratium is said to consist of 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic weight of 312. These particles, it appears, are held together by a force called morons. As administratium has no electrons it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of administratium causes a reaction that would normally last less than one second to take approximately four days to complete. And administratium's mass will increase over time as morons become neutrons, thus forming isodopes.

Clearly this is one new word that the world really needs!

injinuity · 14 Jun 2004, 09:51 PM

I suggest this thread be made a sticky.... hopefully we will have alteast one new joke a day and you can use EMD to see the lighter side of life daily ..

Jinu Johnson

dantheman · 15 Jun 2004, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JeffK
New words... administratium and it's the name for what is allegedly a newly discovered element - the heaviest element known to science.

...These particles, it appears, are held together by a force called morons...

Clearly this is one new word that the world really needs!

Jeff, i think they'll have to put "All in the Family" back on TV. We need to laugh at our political realities and our own humanities. Oh no! is this a new word?!

robert@fm · 23 Jun 2004, 05:10 AM

In the 1980s, a young man at a job interview was asked "Do you have a police record?"

"Yes" he replied, "Message in a Bottle".

**JeffK** · 25 Jun 2004, 07:45 AM

A distinguished older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please.

The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a license and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

23 Jun 2004, 05:10 AM	#74
robert@fm The "e" in e-mail Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: London, UK Posts: 4,681	Allegedly true story! In the 1980s, a young man at a job interview was asked "Do you have a police record?" "Yes" he replied, "Message in a Bottle".

5 Apr 2004, 02:01 PM	#61
JeffK Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Kingaroy, AU Posts: 3,177	Sorry, of course it can't be an OT post.

27 May 2004, 05:07 AM	#63
robert@fm The "e" in e-mail Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: London, UK Posts: 4,681	An optimist says that the glass is half full. A pessimist says that the glass is half empty. An engineer says that the glass is twice the size it needs to be (that one should appeal to Lily * *). An object-orientated programmer says that the property Glass.Fill is at 50% of its maximal value.

12 Jun 2004, 08:53 PM	#64
JeffK Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Kingaroy, AU Posts: 3,177	This tickled my fancy... Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven." "I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?" "It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."

12 Jun 2004, 09:01 PM	#65
JeffK Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Kingaroy, AU Posts: 3,177	Also I was amused by this story about Ronald Reagan in President Bush's eulogy. 'A boy once wrote to him requesting federal assistance to help clean up his bedroom. The president replied that, unfortunately, funds are dangerously low. He continued: "I'm sure your mother was fully justified in proclaiming your room a disaster ... therefore you are in an excellent position to launch another volunteer program in our nation. Congratulations." '

14 Jun 2004, 12:22 PM	#68
JeffK Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Kingaroy, AU Posts: 3,177	"We had a little excitement Saturday night when a drug smuggler's boat was sighted and chased into the bay by the Coast Guard. The smugglers dumped all their pot overboard in an attempt to avoid prosecution, and it washed up on a small island in the Gulf populated by sea gulls, terns and other sea birds. In a couple of days all over the island there wasn't a tern unstoned."

14 Jun 2004, 07:53 PM	#69
JeffK Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Kingaroy, AU Posts: 3,177	Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Darling," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."

14 Jun 2004, 08:49 PM	#70
JeffK Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Kingaroy, AU Posts: 3,177	"Doctors at a hospital in Brisbane have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"

14 Jun 2004, 08:53 PM	#71
JeffK Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Kingaroy, AU Posts: 3,177	New words are being coined all the time, and this one was found pinned to a notice board (in a management area). The word is administratium and it's the name for what is allegedly a newly discovered element - the heaviest element known to science. Administratium is said to consist of 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic weight of 312. These particles, it appears, are held together by a force called morons. As administratium has no electrons it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of administratium causes a reaction that would normally last less than one second to take approximately four days to complete. And administratium's mass will increase over time as morons become neutrons, thus forming isodopes. Clearly this is one new word that the world really needs!

14 Jun 2004, 09:51 PM	#72
injinuity Cornerstone of the Community Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 803	I suggest this thread be made a sticky.... hopefully we will have alteast one new joke a day and you can use EMD to see the lighter side of life daily .. Jinu Johnson

25 Jun 2004, 07:45 AM	#75
JeffK Moderator Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Kingaroy, AU Posts: 3,177	A distinguished older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please. The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a license and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.